Republican Jesus – He Loves The Little Children

It’s astonishing to see that support for Trump among white evangelical voters remains strong. What with news every day of his personal vices, lack of morals and character, it causes many non-Christians to scratch their heads, but with the outpouring of news on the real effects and impact the administration’s policies have on people and their families? It’s beyond confusing how American Christians support this President. For those of you not well versed in biblical text, I’m here to help. They support him because Jesus was actually a Republican, case in point:

The disciples and hundreds of followers from all around were gathered to hear Jesus teach. One of the disciples (probably Timothy, he was always asking questions and interrupting the flow) asked, “Who then, is greatest in the kingdom of Heaven?”

Jesus motioned for a child to approach, and instructed, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.”

Jesus examined the child then looked out at the crowd searching for the parents. The proud couple waved, beaming with pride to see Jesus take their little one in his embrace. Jesus grimaced and asked, “are you from Damascus?”

The little boy shook his head, and Jesus asked, “Do your parents have proper papers for entering Roman territory?” When the boy shook his head no again, Jesus scowled, lifting the child and waving for a Roman Praetorian. The child was whisked away and put into the caged back of a wagon to be taken in. Jesus then pointed at the couple and the other Roman soldiers advanced.

“What? How?” The parents pleaded in complete horror and confusion, “We came to learn!”

“You should have sought authorization through the proper channels and agencies.”

The parents’ horror mounted seeing they were being dragged to a completely different prisoner transport than their child. They called out for their son in vain, as the Romans began to spur the wagons off to separate prisons. Jesus turned back to the masses who were watching horrorstruck, “If anyone causes these little ones-those who believe in me to stumble by crossing a border illegally, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”

“What if they were seeking asylum?” A man called from the crowd. At this point Jesus began throwing loaves of bread into the crowds to drown out the man’s protests with the cheers for free food.

Author: Y. Balloo

Amateur novelist / Work in progress.

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