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What’s the word for it?

I’ve been lagely focusing on Gunn & Balloo, a mystery-comedy about a pair of disgraced detectives. 15,000 words in, I already want to go back and paint the damn thing red with edits. I think I managed to come up with a decent mystery, conspiracy, and motive- it just needs a good amount of punch up.

I’ve been using this an excuse to watch shows like Psych under guise of “research.” But I’ve also been bouncing around on other writing: the stuff I referred to as being very “purple prose” thanks to melancholy, existential diaspora, and general self-flagellation.

Easier to manage, has been writing for my friend’s website, PopLurker. I’ve had a couple pieces go up already, (a post on my 4 favorite moments representing depression in TV, and a breakdown of the Solo: A Star Wars Story trailer). I’ll be doing trailer reactions on a weekly basis for Loryn (I wrote up two more already that’ll be coming out each Wednesday moving forward), and I have two other pieces in queue for the site as well.

What’s the word for it?

I’ve been doing anything and everything to keep my fingers typing while doing my best to keep them from typing anything frank or completely honest. I’ve been allowing, at best, facets of myself to bleed onto the page, but never fully face it. I wish I were that brave.

Sadness, anger, and fear- I’m terrified of and disappointed in myself, I have been for more than a week now. I wish I were brave enough to just be honest about those feelings, and be honest about it in and through my writing.

But what’s my honesty worth? What’s any of me worth? I’m good for pop culture takedowns and break downs, I can craft a quip or weave a a good train of referential relations and metaphor, but I’m incapable of being honest about who and what I am. I’m trying to be, but I can’t seem to find the words.

What’s the word for it?

I guess the word I have right now is honesty. Not as a virtue, but as a goal. I’m going to give it a try, and I’m going to try my best to have more frank conversations about myself with myself, and especially in my writing.

From Gunn & Balloo:
“Sure, he talks like a total insufferable know it all, but he doesn’t treat anyone like they’re stupid. He doesn’t think he’s smarter than anyone. He thinks he’s the only person who’s trying.”
“Trying?” Sammy asked, turning around and leaning against the sink, while Quinn touched up her lipstick. Sammy decided to use the time to put her thick black hair up into a ponytail.
“He thinks people are much more capable than they behave, and much more aware of how to be good than they act- they just don’t because they’re scared to.”

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